I Gotz Da DONUTS!
by Beyond An Anomaly
Summary: Geez laweez, I hate 4Kids. Why? Well, care to read? With horrid dubbing, sandwich sketching, and a public arrest, it's all goin' down in the wonderful world of Pokemon. One-shot/Crack Fic...sorta. (First one, too!)


Ash, Misty and Pikachu were just chillin' around some boulders. They weren't doing much. There were just...you know...

Boulders.

"Boy, I sure am hungry!" Ash Ketchum, the ten-year-old who never aged a day, proclaimed.

"Me too, Ash." Misty replied as she was holding her small Togepi in her hands. "So is Togepi!"

Togepi was whimpering and nodding, with his stomach growling under his egg shell that doubled as pants.

Right when the two trainers were about to mope on about much more hungry they were along with how their fans REEEALLLY wanted them to be "shipped", they saw a silhouette walking towards them in the distance.

"Hey!" Ash stood up with his Pikachu on his head. It was Pikachu's favorite spot, since the Pokemon trainer's hat felt soft and silky on the top. "Who's that?"

"I don't know, Ash!" Misty shrugged, walking towards the boy. "I just hope he won't steal my bike!"

Ash turned towards Misty, with Pikachu crawling onto his shoulder; he just couldn't get the right spot.

"You STILL haven't let that go, have you?"

"Yeah...no." Misty answered. "But at least I gave you your hat back!"

Ash rolled his eyes and sighed as the figure drew nearer and nearer. About five minutes passed of dramatic waiting and that yellow mouse exclaiming "Pika! Pika!" for no apparent reason, since he can't speak a lick of English.

Wait...Pikachu IS a male, right? In these kids shows, it's kind of up for debate...

ANYWAY!

The small crew of Pokemon trainers who really had to catch 'em all were soon to realize who it was.

"Look, Misty!" Ash exclaimed with Pikachu licking his paws...or something. "It's Brock!"

Sure enough, Brock the self-proclaimed lady's man came before the kids with his eyes that never opened.

"Hey, guys!" Brock said, even though it's quite curious how he could see without opening his eyes. "I brought a snack!"

"You did? Awesome!" Ash was excited to get something in his stomach. A trainer did have to get some vitamins and minerals in him if he wants to be a master one day.

All the cool kids know that from the anime for sure.

In Brock's hands was a tray of concoctions: small, edible rolls filled with rice, fish, and seaweed. They were best eaten with chopsticks. Oh, how fitting! Brock brought his friends some sushi! And they were all hungry for something delicious! So what's better than sushi?

"Donuts!" Brock answered.

Well, he's right! Donuts are indeed better, but...wait...

WHAT?

Were there now rice-flavored donuts that no one knew about? Hmm...

"Wow! Those are some cool-looking donuts, Brock!" Misty took one of the "donuts", even those it's best if, like said before, chopsticks were used. But who uses utensils anymore?

Not the cool kids and aspiring Pokemon trainers. THAT was for sure, too.

"Mmmm..." Ash hummed as he was chewing some salmon. "This is such a good donut! I love the jelly part!"

"Nothing beats a good ol' jelly-filled donut!" Brock completely ignored the fact he was chewing a yellow stick that was once the tail of an eel that resided in a coral bed in the Pacific Ocean.

"Yeah...it is good..." Misty remarked uncertainly.

"Pika pika?" Pikachu squeaked to Misty.

"You...do know that no one can understand you, right?"

"Misty," Ash stated with his mouth full of fish eggs and tuna. "He's asking you if something's wrong with your donut."

Before you pull a Pheonix Wright on me and say that I'm contradicting myself as you cry "OBJECTION!" or something, remember: Ash is the god of trainers. He can do EVERYTHING all others can't do in Pokemon World, including talking/understanding fluent Pikanese.

"Well...I mean..." Misty shrugged her shoulders. "The jelly in this is hard..."

"I DID walk all the way from Generic Town to get them!" Brock remarked.

"And it's green..."

"Probably for promotional purposes." Ash bit into another donut...thing. "Green is the new black, red, and rainbow, after all!"

"And it kinda tastes like..." Misty paused for a moment, both for dramatic effect and genuine thought. "Sushi!"

The three role-models for eight-year-old card collectors with diagnosed ADD thought of Misty's statement. It wasn't before long, however, until they heard a voice from a familiar old man rasp...

"But OF COURSE it's sushi, you idiots!"

Professor Oak arrived on the scene, and his face was stern, agitated, and everything else along those very lines.

"Whoa, Professor!" Ash was startled by the sudden encounter, even though meeting up with someone out of the blue in a kid's anime is unbelievably common. "When did you get here?"

"You're eating sushi, not donuts!" Oak ignored Ketchum's question. I got tired of writing "Professor"...so yeah.

"Wait...we are?" Brock, for all he was seeing, was eating tapioca pudding tied together by a strand of duct tape.

"Yes, you moronic dimwits!"

"Whoa, Professor!" Misty covered Togepi's head as if he/she/it had ears. "Watch your language!"

"Language?! WHAT LANGUAGE?!"

"Don't yell like that! It scares children if you do!" Ash whined, however, he didn't raise his voice at the scientist dude.

"WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU-"

Just as Oak was about to bark some more at the three apparent ding-dongs, a few men in black suits walked up to him. Oak stared at the un-named, burly agents.

"Um...who are you guys?"

"Professor Oak?" one of the agents questioned.

"Uh..." Oak nodded. "Yeah?"

It was then that one of the agents walked behind him and placed hand-cuffs on his wrists.

"You're under arrest in the name of the 4Kids Administration for using improper language and yelling abruptly."

"W-WHAT?!" Oak sputtered. "Since when did 'heck' and 'idiot' become improper?"

"Since the early 2000s...by us." a van suddenly pulled up and its doors opened automatically. "Now get in the car."

"T-This is outrageous!" Oak stuttered in confusion as he was shoved in the car. "What type of show are you running here?!"

The driver of the van turned to him.

"A clean, poorly-dubbed one with awkwardly kid-friendly story-lines that will be guaranteed to insult the minds of supporters of differnt fandoms across North America." he recited as if he had to recite it for a school play. Right when he was about to step off the gas, the windows of one of the vans rolled down with a 4Kids agent inside.

"Oh, and before we go," the agent pointed a finger at Ash. "Come over here, kid."

Ash hesitantly walked over to the black van. Was he going to be arrested for saying "jerk" last week?

"We need you to practice your running skills." the agent stated.

"Um...oh! Okay!" Ash was relieved that he still had a [somewhat] reasonable occupation, instead of having to disappear unexpectedly and "do a mission" like what was probably gonna happen to poor ol' Professor Oak, who was thinking of calling the big men over at Cartoon Network to see if the Ash Ketchum over there needed a mentor. "Why?"

"You're going to be running from this sandwich." the agent showed Ash a storyline sketch of him running from what looked like a donut he had ten minutes ago.

"That's a sandwich?" Ash asked the agent as Pikachu sat on Ash's shoulder and acted like the cute lil' booger he was.

"Sure is!"

"...Is it?"

The agent looked at the sketch to see what he and his fellow 4Kids agents dubbed as a donut, and his eyes widened from behind his sunglasses.

"Gosh darn it, Japan!" he tisked as he took out a pencil. He erased the "donut", hastily drew a generic sub, and presented the drawing to Ash. "There. That better?"

"Yeah, but..." Ash adjusted his hat. "Why am I running from a sandwich?"

"Oh, picky, picky, picky..." the agent huffed as the van drove off with a now more-than-likely unemployed Professor Oak.

Ash, Misty and Brock stared as the van drove off into the sunset as rainbows appeared in the sky with candy raining down from the infinite heavens.

"Well, THAT didn't make sense!" Misty replied to the whole situation.

"Who are 4Kids?" Brock folded his arms. "Have they monitoring us the entire time?"

"Why am I gonna be running from a sandwich...?" Ash hummed with Pikachu eating a lollipop he caught from the sky. "And what's with all these sudden fluffy plot devices?"

"I dunno..."

"Hmm..."

The three were once again silent, as the same piece of music repeated itself over and over again.

"Well, are we at least gonna come with a proper ending?" Ash shrugged.

"...For what?" Brock asked him.

"You know, this episode!"

"Episode of...what?" Misty tilted her head.

"Um, Pokemon? You know, this anime?"

Brock and Misty blinked with no other reply.

"...Never mind." Ash rolled his eyes, as some un-named narrator announced a commercial break and that an even worse English dub called "Sonic X" was coming up next, which came on before some other brightly colored yet creepy three-dimensional show about stupid kids with robots that resided wit h them in the future.

And so, our three travellers went on their way, still wondering about Professor Oak's fate, along with how much more fluffy 4Kids could get, why Ash was going to be chased by a sandwich, and if they were REALLY eating donuts...

* * *

Well, there you have it. I just HAD to write this after I watched a video about 4Kids and their ridiculous dubs. I stopped at the part of the video where Brock called the sushi "donuts". (Yes. DONUTS.) As I watched, I couldn't help but think about that one part of the video, along with the ridiculous dubbing that took place in shows like Pokemon. So yes, I HAD to write this.

By the way, I'd always watch Sonic X on 4Kids until I watched every episode and realized how stupid the English dub was. (And to think, 4Kids made me think that Molly survived at the hands of the Metarex!) I hope you guys enjoyed this one-shot and...does this count as a Crack Fic? I believe so...ah well. Smell ya later!

-BAA


End file.
